BOYCEE ROMPS TO EMPHATIC TITLE SUCCESS
CHAMPION - DAVID BOYCEE HEWITT - He was never out of the top four all season, but as soon as he hit the top spot, there was no stopping. Boycee put in week after week of consistent scores. Although he never scored higher then twelve points in any one week, his consistency around the 10-12 point mark every week proved to be the big difference. His rivals could never and never looked likely to peg him back. Expect him to make a big impact amongst the big boys. Is also now expected to go up against Mr O'Donnell for the position of Shyster Union Leader.
RUNNER UP - ROY FISHLIPS MIFSUD - One of the many success stories of the season. One of our two East End Shysters overcame a slow start to produce a decisive surge which ultimately resulted in the runner up spot and a coveted place amongst the elite next season. He also must be commended for producing score updates on match days in my absence. A commendable effort. Fishlips has also warned Premier Division Shysters that he is not there just to make up the numbers next season.
3RD- CHEZZER FUNKASAURAS BROWNE - As low as ninth at one stage, the Funk then hit a run of form like no other and in the end, comfortably secured his place in the top flight on the last week. Thousands of Funk fans took to the streets of Streatham and Croydon to celebrate. Cheap fried chicken establishments reported bumper sales of spicy hot wings and fillet burgers as a result. So much so that extra supplies had to be ordered. There were also reports of drunken shenanigans at The Funkasauras end of season bash (Bash being an appropriate word, allegedly!!!)
4TH - ASH BEANHEAD WILSON - At the start of his debut season, our Somerset based Burnley fan had labelled his debut season as "Project Promotion". Initially it was a bit pf a laboured beginning, but a showstopping run to the Shysters Cup final completely transformed his season. The regulars at the Mountearl Gardens Stadium all of a sudden found their voices and, roared on by his loyal and vociferous following, Beanhead eventually overhauled title rival Steve Giddings and despite a momentary blip which saw Giddings regain fourth spot after Week 33, a 16 point haul in the penultimate week put him back in the driving seat and "Project Promotion" was duly accomplished on the final week, amidst delirious scenes. Wilson also announced that capacity at the MEG will be increased next season due to a seismic rise in season ticket applications for Beanmembers and Junior Beanheads. Wilson is sure to ruffle plenty of feathers next season!!!
Good luck to the promoted four. Now for the rest
5TH - STEVE GIDDINGS - For so long a regular fixture in the top four, the Shyster from Carshalton ended up suffering the abject disappointment of finishing in that dreaded fifth spot. Indeed much of the season was spent trying to peg back Boycee Hewitt. But a sudden post Christmas loss of form was to prove critical and he gradually got reeled in. Most bookies do however believe he will bounce back from this disappointment and shysterbet.com have indeed installed him as the favourite to lift the Championship title come the end of next term.
6TH - GEORDIE BOY SHINN- Consistent performer throughout the campaign without really getting into a position to mount a serious promotion challenge. He will no doubt come on for this and expect our Newcastle nut to be well up there challenging in his second season in this slippery organisation.
7TH - GARRY GREGGS ALLAN - A memorable debut season for our connoisseur of baked savoury snacks culminating in a glorious triumph in the Shysters Cup. Many experts thought he was luck after receiving a free ride to the final. But his performance in that final proved he would have been hard to beat had his opponents showed up in previous rounds. Unfortunately, by his own admission, his league form fell away in the aftermath of his Cup win and he was forced to settle for a supporting role in the league stakes. As Cup winner, Mr Allan can also look forward to a crack at Europa Tinpot glory and at the same time look to see if European bakeries can compare to the snacks he regularly consumes from Greggs.
8TH - SI SEAGULL STUBBS - A bit like his rival, Mr Shinn, our resident Brighton fan never really got going and although he did produce a strong finish, he was always going to come up just short. Stubbs has however warned his rivals that he only requires a little bit of tweaking to his strategy to be a major player when we recommence in August.
9TH - PA ELDER LEMON ROCHE - The elder statesman of the Roche clan took advantage of a blank week from Tom Roche to overhaul his baby brother and finish in a highly respectable ninth place. Another Shyster who is sure to come on for his debut season and he could well be one to watch next term.
10TH - SHYSTER FORMERLY KNOWN AS BABY ROCHE (TOM ROCHE) - Flattered to deceive for long periods this season and would hope for much bigger things next time round. Did not live up to many experts expectations and his supporters are hoping for better things come August. Season was only memorable for the excellent and groundbreaking exclusives that threatened to shake up the Shysters world.
11TH - RICH LASTMINUTE.COM COLBOURNE - Who knows what our sole representative from Fulham could have achieved had he posted regularly at the start of the season. Colbourne also gained notoriety for his ability to leave it until literally the last second to get his scores in. If he posts every week, he is sure to be right up there in the promotion shake up come the end on 2013-14. Can he afford to take those chances. It has been rumoured that rival Shysters will be closely scrutinising the times he will be posting each week next season. Undeterred by this, bookies have installed Colbourne as 6/1 joint second favourite for next years Championship title.
12TH - THE BELLE OF BRIDGWATER (Kaz Short) - Unfortunately had to tender her resignation with a number of weeks to go, which was a pity as up until then, she was well and truly in the promotion shake up. As has been said, will not be taking her place in the line up next season, but as is the case with all Shysters and Shysteresses the invitation is always there for a return to the fold.
13TH - SAM GOLDENBOY NICOL - Our newlywed is now free from the distraction, albeit the wonderful distraction, of wedding preparation and is now looking to mount a serious challenge next season. When he did post, he proved he was more than capable performing Shyster. Congratulations once again to Sam and Natasha on their marriage.
14TH - MR TREVOR LEACH - A big let down!!! At the start of the season he insisted that this year was going to be his year. Mind you, isn't that what most Liverpool fans say every year??? Time for Mr Leach to do some serious thinking as there are clearly rumbles of discontent amonsgt Leach members and Junior Leachers.
15TH - CAROLINE BROWN - Considering how late she joined the Shysters fray, this was a remarkably good showing from our other representative from the East End. Although I suspect that she is having to endure the taunts of her other half, Fishlips Mifsud, who I assume is continuously gloating to her about his promotion. She will be keen to defy all her doubters and produce a big showing next year.
16TH - MARC "I FORGOT AGAIN" JOHNSON - Not much you can say about our beer expert. Is his love of beer festivals causing him to continuously forget posting predictions. Is lucky that the Shysters below him didn't post at all for the last few weeks or it could have been a lot worse.
17TH - BOOT POLISH BULLOCK - Question marks are now surrounding the participation of a number of Shysters next season, with QPR fan Bullock being one of them who fits into that category. Will he be back next season??? It remains to be seen.
18TH - MARTIN J ROCHE - In order to locate the whereabouts of the youngest member of the Roche clan, perhaps we need to ask his old man, who just happens to be our champion.
19TH - THE BASINGSTOKE BRUISER - Another one whose participation next season now must be in serious doubt. Although if he is to make a reappearance, a change of nickname may well be in order as he has since relocated from Basingstoke to Plumstead.
20TH - MARK "INVISIBLE MAN" NAGLE - Let us not forget Mr Nagle. Search parties have long since given up on West Ham fan Mr Nagle. Although I can report there have been numerous sightings of him him on the ticket barriers at Tooting Broadway Station. These sightings have yet to be confirmed, but if they are, can we still cling on to any hope that he will take his place in the starting line up next season.